Good stuff. I'd be interested to know how to do this on Windows; I'm
going to research that at some point, and maybe I'll post about it on my
blog if and when I succeed.
I'm currently doing battle with a static library that uses global
objects with non-trivial constructors that allocate memory, which
doesn't interact too nicely with our memory manager. We're currently
using lazy initialization of the memory manager, but shutting it down
and checking for leaks on exit is problematic – not even using atexit()
works, since sometimes some global objects manage to register their
destructors to run after the memory manager shuts down and *BOOM*.
The man himself wrote a whole section about the problem of global
object initialization order in "The Design and Evolution of C++" but
doesn't really offer a solution.
I realize you have to continue serving your function as a high level
C++ critic but your post really doesn't have much to do with C++,
though, does it? What you want is better control over the linker/loader
which is really an OS thing. I'm not even sure if you can cover all
cases because some other process might have already loaded some of the
dynamic libraries.
You might want to look into the GNU linker's –wrap function. It looks
like it does exactly what you want, though I don't know that it will
work in a low level function like you are looking for. If it *does* work
then you at least can launch without the LD_PRELOAD env var stuff.
"info ld invocation options" to bring up the info page then search
for "wrap".
Dynamic loading is not broken. It has well defined semantics. Read up
on dlopen() and dlsym() in the Single Unix Specification v2 or v3. For
example, there is no need to dlopen() libc explicitly in your code, you
should just use dlsym() with RTLD_NEXT as handle.
@queisser: "I realize you have to continue serving your function as a
high level C++ critic but your post really doesn’t have much to do with
C++, though, does it? What you want is better control over the
linker/loader which is really an OS thing."
No, C++'s ability to execute static constructors before main() really
does suck, and IMO really does exacerbate the problem of finding the
"real entry point" of a non-trivial program. It's true that even C
programs execute a lot of code before main() — code that initializes the
heap, sets up stdin and stdout, and whatnot — but that code is generally
written by trusted sources(TM) and can basically be ignored when
debugging. C++ allows Joe Random Programmer to insert code before
main(), which is far, far worse.
Now, I'd argue that the answer is Don't Do That. If yosefk had had
the foresight and (probably more critically) authority to enforce a
project-wide coding standard that forbids the definition of any static
object with a constructor or destructor, then he wouldn't have had to
hack around the problem this way. (Hindsight is 20/20, yeah.)
Nice article. One thing to consider trying is rather than hardcoding
the path to libc, you can use the pseudo-handle RTLD_NEXT in your call
to dlsym().
.NET executables have a traditional entrypoint that jumps to
mscoree.dll!_CorExeMain which kicks off managed code execution, so I
don't think this counts as magic of the same order as LD_PRELOAD.
Regarding global constructors + custom memory manager: yeah, been
there, two. Since it was on an embedded target, I ended up adding the
memory manager initialization as another hack to the already hacked libc
startup code.
Regarding RTLD_NEXT – thanks for the tip. Regarding "dynamic loading
not being broken" – "defined behavior" isn't the opposite of "broken
behavior". When I say "broken", I mean (1) that it's not "The Right
Thing" (and there would be some hubris here if we weren't discussing
something as trivial as detecting redefinition, where The Right Thing is
damn easy to define), and (2) the fact that actual compilers out there
generating shared objects produce output compatible with the spec of
shared objects doesn't make that output compatible with the spec of
their source language (try throwing a C++ exception from one .so file
and catch it in a caller function located in another .so file and you'll
get the idea.)
Regarding this not being a C++ issue – as mentioned above, it is. Do
you have a problem doing something "at the [real] beginning" of your C
or Lisp or Python program?
Regarding my presumed duty to criticize C++ – um, how do I put this.
I get to use the fucking shit a lot. When I no longer do, people will
have to get C++ hate elsewhere.
FYI
> assuming that global objects defined in the same
> translation unit will be constructed one after another
> (AFAIK in practice they will, although in theory the
> implementation could, for example, order the
> constructor calls by the object name, so they
> wouldn’t)
Section 3.6.2/1 of the ISO C++ standard states, that "dynamically
initialized [objects] shall be initialized in the order in which their
definition appears in the translation unit"
Thanks!
I should update the article to quote this.
I don't know about Linux, but dyld on Mac OS X lets you delcare a
function with the "constructor" attribute, i.e.
void do_something(void) __attribute__((constructor))
It'll get called by the dynamic linker before entering main(). But
I'm not sure how it gets called in relation to C++'s static
constructors. They get called after your program's image has been
loaded, since you can initialize globals in said constructors.
Would it have been possible for you to do the FPU tweaks and then
re-exec(2)? If the FPU control word is set on a per-address space basis,
that should do the trick.
@Damien: interesting, I didn't think about either. I'd guess
__attribute__((constructor)) simply adds the address of the function to
the .init section, so it gets called at some undefined point during the
pre-main initialization sequence. Regarding exec(2) – I don't know
whether the FPU mask is supposed to survive that, but it's a pretty
violent measure – for example, if someone prints before main(), the text
will be printed twice, etc. That is, it's basically OK to do this only
if you assume that the program's init sequence is "tame" enough – in
which case you wouldn't have the trouble of taming it in the first
place, or something.
Why not add a floating point operation to the end of fpu_setup, like
x=1.0+2.0; (with appropriate un-optimization settings) Then at least if
you have a pending exception you will get your core dump when fpu_setup
is called, not at some unknown later time when another function tries to
do f.p.?
You'd stll have to debug your constructors without benefit of core
dumps on NaNs, but seems like fair trade for not having to trick the
loader into doing something it doesn't want to do, and how many
constructors need to do f.p., anyway?
@Matt: It's a good idea to amend fpu_setup with an fp operation to
save the head scratching when the program fails upon its first attempt
to use fp elsewhere. However, I vigorously reject the claim that
debugging global constructors is reasonably easy without core dumps at
the point of failure :) Seriously, a 1/5M-1M LOC program uses what,
500-2000 translation units? Each can instantiate globals, which can have
constructors calling constructors ad nauseam, and this shit can depend
on getenv or files or the command line (accessible via stuff like the
/proc/ file system.) How am I going to shovel through all that, and
where do I even start?
Of course I don't recommend to use the LD_PRELOAD shite in production
environments, only for debugging.
Instead of doing it dynamically, you can do it statically. Compile
your fpu_setup in a separate .o adding
asm(".section .initncall fpu_setup");
to it, then make sure you pass this as the first thing to the linker.
Nothing is guaranteed by the language, of course, but the C run-time
it's built on is pretty reliable.
Dynamic linking semantic of ELF is horrible indeed, Windows is much
better though. It does not silently pick up the first definition — each
dll is in it's own namespace and you explicitly specify from which dll
you want your symbol.
And btw, inserting static constructor into each .cpp file (that
includes some header file) is the classic trick used to initialize
iostream library "before anything else", as you're allowed to use it
from any static constructor.
This relies on the standard initialization order in one translation unit
and absense of "optimizations". C++ compilers are not allowed to
optimize away any constructors, static or not, as hell knows what it can
do inside. The only thing it can do is "inline and dissolve".
I've had the pleasure to witness the iostream initialization trick
under the unfortunate circumstances of running on butt-slow targets (RTL
simulators.) Fun.
However, I distinctly remember gcc "optimizing" away global
constructors – which meant I had to give up on "automatic registration"
(where you have a global object that adds itself to some map before main
to register a library with a framework – you know the drill.) That only
worked if the global was defined in a .cpp whose .o was passed directly
to the linker; archiving the .o into a .a caused it to be optimized
away. (Now that I think of it, perhaps "touching" the global in the
library code would help.) This seemed completely broken exactly because
static constructors can have side effects, which in this case they
actually did, so it seemed like a broken build, but I double-checked and
found no way around this.
If it works in .o, but not in .a it obviously has nothing to do with
gcc optimizing it. gcc has created the code, you can see it in .o, so
it's done it's job. It does not know or care what you're doing with
.o.
This is a standard static linker behaviour. Were you putting static
constructor in it's own .o inside .a? This won't work, because linker
won't pick .o from .a, unless something it already picked needs some
symbol, defined in that .o. This has nothing to do with what constructor
does or whether it's "used" at a language level (e.g. you can use it
from the same .o, it won't help).
Nothing was ever updated for C++ in this scheme, and in fact it's not
even clear how it should work, because .a has semantics of a bunch of
independent .o files that can be picked at will, not an all-or-nothing
module. As it's typical for C++, noone cares, you're supposed to figure
this yourself.
iostream trick works because it only needs to initialize itself if
something uses it. As it inserted itself into all .os if any of them
get's picked the code will run. If not, this means noone's going to use
iostream in this program. If you have a header file that's included into
every .cpp (that uses floating point operations) in your program, and
you're willing to recompile the whole thing, you could add fpu_setup in
static constructor in that header. Same thing.
On the original subject. In presence of dynamic libraries _start is
no longer the entry point. Now it's buried inside dynamic linker. You
can exploit this with preloading much simpler. When ld.so loads dynamic
library it calls library's _init function. You can either try using this
directly or just write a static constructor. That is, static constructor
in preloaded library runs before anything in your program.
And while at it, valgrind does not use preloading (it wouldn't be
able to do half of what it's doing), it uses dynamic binary
compilation.
By "gcc optimized it away", I didn't mean "gcc the compiler, as
opposed to the assembler and the linker, did it in an optimization pass
as opposed to the linkage phase", I meant "the GNU C++ implementation" –
the whole toolchain which is supposed to implement C++, which in this
particular case it doesn't.
valgrind uses preloading in order to begin its dynamic binary
compilation.
Is it possible to write a stub program that calls fpu_setup() and
then just exec(2)s the main program? That seems easier, and since it's
the same PID to the OS it seems like the FPU settings should
survive.
Perhaps the FPU CSR would survive exec() – didn't check it; actually
the asm(”.section .initncall fpu_setup”) trick mentioned in a comment
above is probably the easiest way to do it as that way, you simply have
the FPU configured before application code is called as things should be
without having to tweak the way someone runs the code.
The POSIX exec() spec sez:
"The state of the floating-point environment in the new process image
or in the initial thread of the new process image shall be set to the
default."
http://www.opengroup.org/onlinepubs/000095399/functions/exec.html
Come up with non-buggy code before complaining about C++ – your
function should've reset the fpu state before setting the flags.
Actually what you should have done is... wait for it... not do
floating point calculations in global constructors. I don't know why
this trips up so many people. Global initialization order is undefined
like you said, so why are you doing anything in global constructors int
he first place? Make them global pointers and new them at the beginning
of main, problem solved.
@Zach: it wasn't my code that ran before main.
This is not a problem with C++, this is a problem of BAD code. Code
heavily depending on global objects is bad – period.
Even worse if there is no documentation which global objects is
constructed – If there is, simply add breakpoints in those constructors,
and you will find your bug.
And if you really need global objects, dont use any global objects
with constructors – rather call an init-function at the beginning of
main.
If you dont have control over main, have only 1 global object with
constructor, which constructs the others in defined order AND document
it.
I dont see why one would complain that bad code produces bad
problems... Just dont use such code, write good code instead / fix
it.
You'd be surprised how much effort was expended by the C++ community
to make the order of initialization and destruction sequences
deterministic and "correct" to some approximation (in the lack of an
explicitly defined order as well as an inclination to think that such
order should exist at all). So it's not "just" a bad code problem, it's
a language-specific cultural problem interacting with a loose language
spec.
On the other hand, if you like C++ and the one of its subcultures
you're dealing with the most, then I'm sincerely happy for you.
I don't get why you need to wrap around __libc_start_main(), would it
be just easier to invoke
fp_setup() in the pre-loaded shared lib?
E.g.
fplib.c:
int foo()
{
fpu_setup();
return 0;
}
int bar = foo();
(will need to build with g++ instead of gcc to allow non-const
initializer element for initializing bar.)
It could work, I guess; I don't know how loading work enough to tell
if bar=foo() is the first thing that will happen but perhaps it will
be.
There is an elegant solution to this, I think I read it in
Alexandrescu's Modern C++ Design.
You need a .h file that's included from all the .cpp files (with
VisualC++ you typically have this anyway, because of using precompiled
headers).
Make a class, which increments a static variable in its contructor. When
this if first incremented, do the initialization you need. Make a static
global variable of this class at the beginning of the header file. (This
will result in each translation unit having a copy, but your
initialization code will only run once and as the first thing, because
within translation units the order of initialization is the order of
declaration.)
Cool stuff at your page there.
I know this method; I wouldn't call it "elegant", but to each his
own. One "objective" issue with it though is, it doesn't work if you use
a library with global constructors and you have its header files and
object code but no source code. Whereas in C (or Python or a whole lot
of other languages) you simply have your first executing statement, the
second etc. etc. even if you can't recompile all the code that you're
using from source.
ACCORDING TO ALL KNOWN LAWS OF AVIATION, THERE IS NO WAY A BEE SHOULD
BE ABLE TO FLY. ITS WINGS ARE TOO SMALL TO GET ITS FAT LITTLE BODY OFF
THE GROUND. THE BEE, OF COURSE, FLIES ANYWAY BECAUSE BEES DON'T CARE
WHAT HUMANS THINK IS IMPOSSIBLE. YELLOW, BLACK. YELLOW, BLACK. YELLOW,
BLACK. YELLOW, BLACK. OOH, BLACK AND YELLOW! LET'S SHAKE IT UP A LITTLE.
BARRY! BREAKFAST IS READY! COMING! HANG ON A SECOND. HELLO? BARRY? ADAM?
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING? I CAN'T. I'LL PICK YOU UP. LOOKING
SHARP. USE THE STAIRS, YOUR FATHER PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THOSE. SORRY. I'M
EXCITED. HERE'S THE GRADUATE. WE'RE VERY PROUD OF YOU, SON. A PERFECT
REPORT CARD, ALL B'S. VERY PROUD. MA! I GOT A THING GOING HERE. YOU GOT
LINT ON YOUR FUZZ. OW! THAT'S ME! WAVE TO US! WE'LL BE IN ROW 118,000.
BYE! BARRY, I TOLD YOU, STOP FLYING IN THE HOUSE! HEY, ADAM. HEY, BARRY.
IS THAT FUZZ GEL? A LITTLE. SPECIAL DAY, GRADUATION. NEVER THOUGHT I'D
MAKE IT. THREE DAYS GRADE SCHOOL, THREE DAYS HIGH SCHOOL. THOSE WERE
AWKWARD. THREE DAYS COLLEGE. I'M GLAD I TOOK A DAY AND HITCHHIKED AROUND
THE HIVE. YOU DID COME BACK DIFFERENT. HI, BARRY. ARTIE, GROWING A
MUSTACHE? LOOKS GOOD. HEAR ABOUT FRANKIE? YEAH. YOU GOING TO THE
FUNERAL? NO, I'M NOT GOING. EVERYBODY KNOWS, STING SOMEONE, YOU DIE.
DON'T WASTE IT ON A SQUIRREL. SUCH A HOTHEAD. I GUESS HE COULD HAVE JUST
GOTTEN OUT OF THE WAY. I LOVE THIS INCORPORATING AN AMUSEMENT PARK INTO
OUR DAY. THAT'S WHY WE DON'T NEED VACATIONS. BOY, QUITE A BIT OF POMP
UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. WELL, ADAM, TODAY WE ARE MEN. WE ARE! BEE-MEN.
AMEN! HALLELUJAH! STUDENTS, FACULTY, DISTINGUISHED BEES, PLEASE WELCOME
DEAN BUZZWELL. WELCOME, NEW HIVE CITY GRADUATING CLASS OF 9:15. THAT
CONCLUDES OUR CEREMONIES AND BEGINS YOUR CAREER AT HONEX INDUSTRIES!
WILL WE PICK OUR JOB TODAY? I HEARD IT'S JUST ORIENTATION. HEADS UP!
HERE WE GO. KEEP YOUR HANDS AND ANTENNAS INSIDE THE TRAM AT ALL TIMES.
WONDER WHAT IT'LL BE LIKE? A LITTLE SCARY. WELCOME TO HONEX, A DIVISION
OF HONESCO AND A PART OF THE HEXAGON GROUP. THIS IS IT! WOW. WOW. WE
KNOW THAT YOU, AS A BEE, HAVE WORKED YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO GET TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU CAN WORK FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE. HONEY BEGINS WHEN OUR VALIANT
POLLEN JOCKS BRING THE NECTAR TO THE HIVE. OUR TOP-SECRET FORMULA IS
AUTOMATICALLY COLOR-CORRECTED, SCENT-ADJUSTED AND BUBBLE-CONTOURED INTO
THIS SOOTHING SWEET SYRUP WITH ITS DISTINCTIVE GOLDEN GLOW YOU KNOW
AS... HONEY! THAT GIRL WAS HOT. SHE'S MY COUSIN! SHE IS? YES, WE'RE ALL
COUSINS. RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. AT HONEX, WE CONSTANTLY STRIVE TO IMPROVE
EVERY ASPECT OF BEE EXISTENCE. THESE BEES ARE STRESS-TESTING A NEW
HELMET TECHNOLOGY. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE MAKES? NOT ENOUGH. HERE WE HAVE
OUR LATEST ADVANCEMENT, THE KRELMAN. WHAT DOES THAT DO? CATCHES THAT
LITTLE STRAND OF HONEY THAT HANGS AFTER YOU POUR IT. SAVES US MILLIONS.
CAN ANYONE WORK ON THE KRELMAN? OF COURSE. MOST BEE JOBS ARE SMALL ONES.
BUT BEES KNOW THAT EVERY SMALL JOB, IF IT'S DONE WELL, MEANS A LOT. BUT
CHOOSE CAREFULLY BECAUSE YOU'LL STAY IN THE JOB YOU PICK FOR THE REST OF
YOUR LIFE. THE SAME JOB THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT BEES, AS A SPECIES,
HAVEN'T HAD ONE DAY OFF IN 27 MILLION YEARS. SO YOU'LL JUST WORK US TO
DEATH? WE'LL SURE TRY. WOW! THAT BLEW MY MIND! "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? ONE JOB FOREVER? THAT'S AN INSANE CHOICE TO HAVE
TO MAKE. I'M RELIEVED. NOW WE ONLY HAVE TO MAKE ONE DECISION IN LIFE.
BUT, ADAM, HOW COULD THEY NEVER HAVE TOLD US THAT? WHY WOULD YOU
QUESTION ANYTHING? WE'RE BEES. WE'RE THE MOST PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING
SOCIETY ON EARTH. YOU EVER THINK MAYBE THINGS WORK A LITTLE TOO WELL
HERE? LIKE WHAT? GIVE ME ONE EXAMPLE. I DON'T KNOW. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT. PLEASE CLEAR THE GATE. ROYAL NECTAR FORCE ON
APPROACH. WAIT A SECOND. CHECK IT OUT. HEY, THOSE ARE POLLEN JOCKS! WOW.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM THIS CLOSE. THEY KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE OUTSIDE THE
HIVE. YEAH, BUT SOME DON'T COME BACK. HEY, JOCKS! HI, JOCKS! YOU GUYS
DID GREAT! YOU'RE MONSTERS! YOU'RE SKY FREAKS! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I
WONDER WHERE THEY WERE. I DON'T KNOW. THEIR DAY'S NOT PLANNED. OUTSIDE
THE HIVE, FLYING WHO KNOWS WHERE, DOING WHO KNOWS WHAT. YOU CAN'T JUST
DECIDE TO BE A POLLEN JOCK. YOU HAVE TO BE BRED FOR THAT. RIGHT. LOOK.
THAT'S MORE POLLEN THAN YOU AND I WILL SEE IN A LIFETIME. IT'S JUST A
STATUS SYMBOL. BEES MAKE TOO MUCH OF IT. PERHAPS. UNLESS YOU'RE WEARING
IT AND THE LADIES SEE YOU WEARING IT. THOSE LADIES? AREN'T THEY OUR
COUSINS TOO? DISTANT. DISTANT. LOOK AT THESE TWO. COUPLE OF HIVE HARRYS.
LET'S HAVE FUN WITH THEM. IT MUST BE DANGEROUS BEING A POLLEN JOCK.
YEAH. ONCE A BEAR PINNED ME AGAINST A MUSHROOM! HE HAD A PAW ON MY
THROAT, AND WITH THE OTHER, HE WAS SLAPPING ME! OH, MY! I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D KNOCK HIM OUT. WHAT WERE YOU DOING DURING THIS? TRYING TO ALERT THE
AUTHORITIES. I CAN AUTOGRAPH THAT. A LITTLE GUSTY OUT THERE TODAY,
WASN'T IT, COMRADES? YEAH. GUSTY. WE'RE HITTING A SUNFLOWER PATCH SIX
MILES FROM HERE TOMORROW. SIX MILES, HUH? BARRY! A PUDDLE JUMP FOR US,
BUT MAYBE YOU'RE NOT UP FOR IT. MAYBE I AM. YOU ARE NOT! WE'RE GOING
0900 AT J-GATE. WHAT DO YOU THINK, BUZZY-BOY? ARE YOU BEE ENOUGH? I
MIGHT BE. IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT 0900 MEANS. HEY, HONEX! DAD, YOU
SURPRISED ME. YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN? WELL, THERE'S A LOT
OF CHOICES. BUT YOU ONLY GET ONE. DO YOU EVER GET BORED DOING THE SAME
JOB EVERY DAY? SON, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT STIRRING. YOU GRAB THAT STICK,
AND YOU JUST MOVE IT AROUND, AND YOU STIR IT AROUND. YOU GET YOURSELF
INTO A RHYTHM. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. YOU KNOW, DAD, THE MORE I THINK
ABOUT IT, MAYBE THE HONEY FIELD JUST ISN'T RIGHT FOR ME. YOU WERE
THINKING OF WHAT, MAKING BALLOON ANIMALS? THAT'S A BAD JOB FOR A GUY
WITH A STINGER. JANET, YOUR SON'S NOT SURE HE WANTS TO GO INTO HONEY!
BARRY, YOU ARE SO FUNNY SOMETIMES. I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY. YOU'RE
NOT FUNNY! YOU'RE GOING INTO HONEY. OUR SON, THE STIRRER! YOU'RE GONNA
BE A STIRRER? NO ONE'S LISTENING TO ME! WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE STICKS I
HAVE. I COULD SAY ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. I'M GONNA GET AN ANT TATTOO! LET'S
OPEN SOME HONEY AND CELEBRATE! MAYBE I'LL PIERCE MY THORAX. SHAVE MY
ANTENNAE. SHACK UP WITH A GRASSHOPPER. GET A GOLD TOOTH AND CALL
EVERYBODY "DAWG"! I'M SO PROUD. WE'RE STARTING WORK TODAY! TODAY'S THE
DAY. COME ON! ALL THE GOOD JOBS WILL BE GONE. YEAH, RIGHT. POLLEN
COUNTING, STUNT BEE, POURING, STIRRER, FRONT DESK, HAIR REMOVAL... IS IT
STILL AVAILABLE? HANG ON. TWO LEFT! ONE OF THEM'S YOURS!
CONGRATULATIONS! STEP TO THE SIDE. WHAT'D YOU GET? PICKING CRUD OUT.
STELLAR! WOW! COUPLE OF NEWBIES? YES, SIR! OUR FIRST DAY! WE ARE READY!
MAKE YOUR CHOICE. YOU WANT TO GO FIRST? NO, YOU GO. OH, MY. WHAT'S
AVAILABLE? RESTROOM ATTENDANT'S OPEN, NOT FOR THE REASON YOU THINK. ANY
CHANCE OF GETTING THE KRELMAN? SURE, YOU'RE ON. I'M SORRY, THE KRELMAN
JUST CLOSED OUT. WAX MONKEY'S ALWAYS OPEN. THE KRELMAN OPENED UP AGAIN.
WHAT HAPPENED? A BEE DIED. MAKES AN OPENING. SEE? HE'S DEAD. ANOTHER
DEAD ONE. DEADY. DEADIFIED. TWO MORE DEAD. DEAD FROM THE NECK UP. DEAD
FROM THE NECK DOWN. THAT'S LIFE! OH, THIS IS SO HARD! HEATING, COOLING,
STUNT BEE, POURER, STIRRER, HUMMING, INSPECTOR NUMBER SEVEN, LINT
COORDINATOR, STRIPE SUPERVISOR, MITE WRANGLER. BARRY, WHAT DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD... BARRY? BARRY! ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT THE SUNFLOWER PATCH IN
QUADRANT NINE... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? I'M GOING OUT.
OUT? OUT WHERE? OUT THERE. OH, NO! I HAVE TO, BEFORE I GO TO WORK FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOU'RE GONNA DIE! YOU'RE CRAZY! HELLO? ANOTHER CALL
COMING IN. IF ANYONE'S FEELING BRAVE, THERE'S A KOREAN DELI ON 83RD THAT
GETS THEIR ROSES TODAY. HEY, GUYS. LOOK AT THAT. ISN'T THAT THE KID WE
SAW YESTERDAY? HOLD IT, SON, FLIGHT DECK'S RESTRICTED. IT'S OK, LOU.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE HIM UP. REALLY? FEELING LUCKY, ARE YOU? SIGN HERE,
HERE. JUST INITIAL THAT. THANK YOU. OK. YOU GOT A RAIN ADVISORY TODAY,
AND AS YOU ALL KNOW, BEES CANNOT FLY IN RAIN. SO BE CAREFUL. AS ALWAYS,
WATCH YOUR BROOMS, HOCKEY STICKS, DOGS, BIRDS, BEARS AND BATS. ALSO, I
GOT A COUPLE OF REPORTS OF ROOT BEER BEING POURED ON US. MURPHY'S IN A
HOME BECAUSE OF IT, BABBLING LIKE A CICADA! THAT'S AWFUL. AND A REMINDER
FOR YOU ROOKIES, BEE LAW NUMBER ONE, ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING TO HUMANS!
ALL RIGHT, LAUNCH POSITIONS! BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ! BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ! BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ! BLACK AND YELLOW! HELLO! YOU READY FOR
THIS, HOT SHOT? YEAH. YEAH, BRING IT ON. WIND, CHECK. ANTENNAE, CHECK.
NECTAR PACK, CHECK. WINGS, CHECK. STINGER, CHECK. SCARED OUT OF MY
SHORTS, CHECK. OK, LADIES, LET'S MOVE IT OUT! POUND THOSE PETUNIAS, YOU
STRIPED STEM-SUCKERS! ALL OF YOU, DRAIN THOSE FLOWERS! WOW! I'M OUT! I
CAN'T BELIEVE I'M OUT! SO BLUE. I FEEL SO FAST AND FREE! BOX KITE! WOW!
FLOWERS! THIS IS BLUE LEADER, WE HAVE ROSES VISUAL. BRING IT AROUND 30
DEGREES AND HOLD. ROSES! 30 DEGREES, ROGER. BRINGING IT AROUND. STAND TO
THE SIDE, KID. IT'S GOT A BIT OF A KICK. THAT IS ONE NECTAR COLLECTOR!
EVER SEE POLLINATION UP CLOSE? NO, SIR. I PICK UP SOME POLLEN HERE,
SPRINKLE IT OVER HERE. MAYBE A DASH OVER THERE, A PINCH ON THAT ONE. SEE
THAT? IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF MAGIC. THAT'S AMAZING. WHY DO WE DO THAT?
THAT'S POLLEN POWER. MORE POLLEN, MORE FLOWERS, MORE NECTAR, MORE HONEY
FOR US. COOL. I'M PICKING UP A LOT OF BRIGHT YELLOW, COULD BE DAISIES,
DON'T WE NEED THOSE? COPY THAT VISUAL. WAIT. ONE OF THESE FLOWERS SEEMS
TO BE ON THE MOVE. SAY AGAIN? YOU'RE REPORTING A MOVING FLOWER?
AFFIRMATIVE. THAT WAS ON THE LINE! THIS IS THE COOLEST. WHAT IS IT? I
DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M LOVING THIS COLOR. IT SMELLS GOOD. NOT LIKE A
FLOWER, BUT I LIKE IT. YEAH, FUZZY. CHEMICAL-Y. CAREFUL, GUYS. IT'S A
LITTLE GRABBY. MY SWEET LORD OF BEES! CANDY-BRAIN, GET OFF THERE!
PROBLEM! GUYS! THIS COULD BE BAD. AFFIRMATIVE. VERY CLOSE. GONNA HURT.
MAMA'S LITTLE BOY. YOU ARE WAY OUT OF POSITION, ROOKIE! COMING IN AT YOU
LIKE A MISSILE! HELP ME! I DON'T THINK THESE ARE FLOWERS. SHOULD WE TELL
HIM? I THINK HE KNOWS. WHAT IS THIS?! MATCH POINT! YOU CAN START PACKING
UP, HONEY, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO EAT IT! YOWSER! GROSS. THERE'S A BEE
IN THE CAR! DO SOMETHING! I'M DRIVING! HI, BEE. HE'S BACK HERE! HE'S
GOING TO STING ME! NOBODY MOVE. IF YOU DON'T MOVE, HE WON'T STING YOU.
FREEZE! HE BLINKED! SPRAY HIM, GRANNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WOW... THE
TENSION LEVEL OUT HERE IS UNBELIEVABLE. I GOTTA GET HOME. CAN'T FLY IN
RAIN. CAN'T FLY IN RAIN. CAN'T FLY IN RAIN. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! BEE GOING
DOWN! KEN, COULD YOU CLOSE THE WINDOW PLEASE? KEN, COULD YOU CLOSE THE
WINDOW PLEASE? CHECK OUT MY NEW RESUME. I MADE IT INTO A FOLD-OUT
BROCHURE. YOU SEE? FOLDS OUT. OH, NO. MORE HUMANS. I DON'T NEED THIS.
WHAT WAS THAT? MAYBE THIS TIME. THIS TIME. THIS TIME. THIS TIME! THIS
TIME! THIS... DRAPES! THAT IS DIABOLICAL. IT'S FANTASTIC. IT'S GOT ALL
MY SPECIAL SKILLS, EVEN MY TOP-TEN FAVORITE MOVIES. WHAT'S NUMBER ONE?
STAR WARS? NAH, I DON'T GO FOR THAT... KIND OF STUFF. NO WONDER WE
SHOULDN'T TALK TO THEM. THEY'RE OUT OF THEIR MINDS. WHEN I LEAVE A JOB
INTERVIEW, THEY'RE FLABBERGASTED, CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I SAY. THERE'S THE
SUN. MAYBE THAT'S A WAY OUT. I DON'T REMEMBER THE SUN HAVING A BIG 75 ON
IT. I PREDICTED GLOBAL WARMING. I COULD FEEL IT GETTING HOTTER. AT FIRST
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME. WAIT! STOP! BEE! STAND BACK. THESE ARE WINTER
BOOTS. WAIT! DON'T KILL HIM! YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO THEM! THIS THING
COULD KILL ME! WHY DOES HIS LIFE HAVE LESS VALUE THAN YOURS? WHY DOES
HIS LIFE HAVE ANY LESS VALUE THAN MINE? IS THAT YOUR STATEMENT? I'M JUST
SAYING ALL LIFE HAS VALUE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF FEELING.
MY BROCHURE! THERE YOU GO, LITTLE GUY. I'M NOT SCARED OF HIM.IT'S AN
ALLERGIC THING. PUT THAT ON YOUR RESUME BROCHURE. MY WHOLE FACE COULD
PUFF UP. MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR SPECIAL SKILLS. KNOCKING SOMEONE OUT IS
ALSO A SPECIAL SKILL. RIGHT. BYE, VANESSA. THANKS. VANESSA, NEXT WEEK?
YOGURT NIGHT? SURE, KEN. YOU KNOW, WHATEVER. YOU COULD PUT CAROB CHIPS
ON THERE. BYE. SUPPOSED TO BE LESS CALORIES. BYE. I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING.
SHE SAVED MY LIFE. I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING. ALL RIGHT, HERE IT GOES. NAH.
WHAT WOULD I SAY? I COULD REALLY GET IN TROUBLE. IT'S A BEE LAW. YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO A HUMAN. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS. I'VE
GOT TO. OH, I CAN'T DO IT. COME ON! NO. YES. NO. DO IT. I CAN'T. HOW
SHOULD I START IT? "YOU LIKE JAZZ?" NO, THAT'S NO GOOD. HERE SHE COMES!
SPEAK, YOU FOOL! HI! I'M SORRY. YOU'RE TALKING. YES, I KNOW. YOU'RE
TALKING! I'M SO SORRY. NO, IT'S OK. IT'S FINE. I KNOW I'M DREAMING. BUT
I DON'T RECALL GOING TO BED. WELL, I'M SURE THIS IS VERY DISCONCERTING.
THIS IS A BIT OF A SURPRISE TO ME. I MEAN, YOU'RE A BEE! I AM. AND I'M
NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS, BUT THEY WERE ALL TRYING TO KILL ME. AND
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU... I HAD TO THANK YOU. IT'S JUST HOW I WAS RAISED.
THAT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD. I'M TALKING WITH A BEE. YEAH. I'M TALKING TO A
BEE. AND THE BEE IS TALKING TO ME! I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M GRATEFUL. I'LL
LEAVE NOW. WAIT! HOW DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? WHAT? THE TALKING THING.
SAME WAY YOU DID, I GUESS. "MAMA, DADA, HONEY." YOU PICK IT UP. THAT'S
VERY FUNNY. YEAH. BEES ARE FUNNY. IF WE DIDN'T LAUGH, WE'D CRY WITH WHAT
WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH. ANYWAY... CAN I... GET YOU SOMETHING? LIKE WHAT? I
DON'T KNOW. I MEAN... I DON'T KNOW. COFFEE? I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU OUT.
IT'S NO TROUBLE. IT TAKES TWO MINUTES. IT'S JUST COFFEE. I HATE TO
IMPOSE. DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! ACTUALLY, I WOULD LOVE A CUP. HEY, YOU WANT
RUM CAKE? I SHOULDN'T. HAVE SOME. NO, I CAN'T. COME ON! I'M TRYING TO
LOSE A COUPLE MICROGRAMS. WHERE? THESE STRIPES DON'T HELP. YOU LOOK
GREAT! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FASHION. ARE YOU ALL
RIGHT? NO. HE'S MAKING THE TIE IN THE CAB AS THEY'RE FLYING UP MADISON.
HE FINALLY GETS THERE. HE RUNS UP THE STEPS INTO THE CHURCH. THE WEDDING
IS ON. AND HE SAYS, "WATERMELON? I THOUGHT YOU SAID GUATEMALAN. WHY
WOULD I MARRY A WATERMELON?" IS THAT A BEE JOKE? THAT'S THE KIND OF
STUFF WE DO. YEAH, DIFFERENT. SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, BARRY? ABOUT
WORK? I DON'T KNOW. I WANT TO DO MY PART FOR THE HIVE, BUT I CAN'T DO IT
THE WAY THEY WANT. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. YOU DO? SURE. MY PARENTS WANTED
ME TO BE A LAWYER OR A DOCTOR, BUT I WANTED TO BE A FLORIST. REALLY? MY
ONLY INTEREST IS FLOWERS. OUR NEW QUEEN WAS JUST ELECTED WITH THAT SAME
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN. ANYWAY, IF YOU LOOK... THERE'S MY HIVE RIGHT THERE. SEE
IT? YOU'RE IN SHEEP MEADOW! YES! I'M RIGHT OFF THE TURTLE POND! NO WAY!
I KNOW THAT AREA. I LOST A TOE RING THERE ONCE. WHY DO GIRLS PUT RINGS
ON THEIR TOES? WHY NOT? IT'S LIKE PUTTING A HAT ON YOUR KNEE. MAYBE I'LL
TRY THAT. YOU ALL RIGHT, MA'AM? OH, YEAH. FINE. JUST HAVING TWO CUPS OF
COFFEE! ANYWAY, THIS HAS BEEN GREAT. THANKS FOR THE COFFEE. YEAH, IT'S
NO TROUBLE. SORRY I COULDN'T FINISH IT. IF I DID, I'D BE UP THE REST OF
MY LIFE. ARE YOU...? CAN I TAKE A PIECE OF THIS WITH ME? SURE! HERE,
HAVE A CRUMB. THANKS! YEAH. ALL RIGHT. WELL, THEN... I GUESS I'LL SEE
YOU AROUND. OR NOT. OK, BARRY. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN... FOR
BEFORE. OH, THAT? THAT WAS NOTHING. WELL, NOT NOTHING, BUT... ANYWAY...
THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY WORK. HE'S ALL SET TO GO. WE MAY AS WELL TRY IT. OK,
DAVE, PULL THE CHUTE. SOUNDS AMAZING. IT WAS AMAZING! IT WAS THE
SCARIEST, HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. HUMANS! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE
WITH HUMANS! GIANT, SCARY HUMANS! WHAT WERE THEY LIKE? HUGE AND CRAZY.
THEY TALK CRAZY. THEY EAT CRAZY GIANT THINGS. THEY DRIVE CRAZY. DO THEY
TRY AND KILL YOU, LIKE ON TV? SOME OF THEM. BUT SOME OF THEM DON'T.
HOW'D YOU GET BACK? POODLE. YOU DID IT, AND I'M GLAD. YOU SAW WHATEVER
YOU WANTED TO SEE. YOU HAD YOUR "EXPERIENCE." NOW YOU CAN PICK OUT
YOURJOB AND BE NORMAL. WELL... WELL? WELL, I MET SOMEONE. YOU DID? WAS
SHE BEE-ISH? A WASP?! YOUR PARENTS WILL KILL YOU! NO, NO, NO, NOT A
WASP. SPIDER? I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO SPIDERS. I KNOW IT'S THE HOTTEST
THING, WITH THE EIGHT LEGS AND ALL. I CAN'T GET BY THAT FACE. SO WHO IS
SHE? SHE'S... HUMAN. NO, NO. THAT'S A BEE LAW. YOU WOULDN'T BREAK A BEE
LAW. HER NAME'S VANESSA. OH, BOY. SHE'S SO NICE. AND SHE'S A FLORIST!
OH, NO! YOU'RE DATING A HUMAN FLORIST! WE'RE NOT DATING. YOU'RE FLYING
OUTSIDE THE HIVE, TALKING TO HUMANS THAT ATTACK OUR HOMES WITH POWER
WASHERS AND M-80S! ONE-EIGHTH A STICK OF DYNAMITE! SHE SAVED MY LIFE!
AND SHE UNDERSTANDS ME. THIS IS OVER! EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT OVER! WHAT
WAS THAT? THEY CALL IT A CRUMB. IT WAS SO STINGIN' STRIPEY! AND THAT'S
NOT WHAT THEY EAT. THAT'S WHAT FALLS OFF WHAT THEY EAT! YOU KNOW WHAT A
CINNABON IS? NO. IT'S BREAD AND CINNAMON AND FROSTING. THEY HEAT IT
UP... SIT DOWN! ...REALLY HOT! LISTEN TO ME! WE ARE NOT THEM! WE'RE US.
THERE'S US AND THERE'S THEM! YES, BUT WHO CAN DENY THE HEART THAT IS
YEARNING? THERE'S NO YEARNING. STOP YEARNING. LISTEN TO ME! YOU HAVE GOT
TO START THINKING BEE, MY FRIEND. THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE. THINKING
BEE. THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! THERE HE
IS. HE'S IN THE POOL. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, BARRY? I GOTTA
START THINKING BEE? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS GO ON? IT'S BEEN THREE
DAYS! WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING? I'VE GOT A LOT OF BIG LIFE DECISIONS TO
THINK ABOUT. WHAT LIFE? YOU HAVE NO LIFE! YOU HAVE NO JOB. YOU'RE BARELY
A BEE! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO MAKE A LITTLE HONEY? BARRY, COME OUT. YOUR
FATHER'S TALKING TO YOU. MARTIN, WOULD YOU TALK TO HIM? BARRY, I'M
TALKING TO YOU! YOU COMING? GOT EVERYTHING? ALL SET! GO AHEAD. I'LL
CATCH UP. DON'T BE TOO LONG. WATCH THIS! VANESSA! WE'RE STILL HERE. I
TOLD YOU NOT TO YELL AT HIM. HE DOESN'T RESPOND TO YELLING! THEN WHY
YELL AT ME? BECAUSE YOU DON'T LISTEN! I'M NOT LISTENING TO THIS. SORRY,
I'VE GOTTA GO. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'M MEETING A FRIEND. A GIRL? IS
THIS WHY YOU CAN'T DECIDE? BYE. I JUST HOPE SHE'S BEE-ISH. THEY HAVE A
HUGE PARADE OF FLOWERS EVERY YEAR IN PASADENA? TO BE IN THE TOURNAMENT
OF ROSES, THAT'S EVERY FLORIST'S DREAM! UP ON A FLOAT, SURROUNDED BY
FLOWERS, CROWDS CHEERING. A TOURNAMENT. DO THE ROSES COMPETE IN ATHLETIC
EVENTS? NO. ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT ONE. HOW COME YOU DON'T FLY EVERYWHERE?
IT'S EXHAUSTING. WHY DON'T YOU RUN EVERYWHERE? IT'S FASTER. YEAH, OK, I
SEE, I SEE. ALL RIGHT, YOUR TURN. TIVO. YOU CAN JUST FREEZE LIVE TV?
THAT'S INSANE! YOU DON'T HAVE THAT? WE HAVE HIVO, BUT IT'S A DISEASE.
IT'S A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DISEASE. OH, MY. DUMB BEES! YOU MUST WANT TO
STING ALL THOSE JERKS. WE TRY NOT TO STING. IT'S USUALLY FATAL FOR US.
SO YOU HAVE TO WATCH YOUR TEMPER. VERY CAREFULLY. YOU KICK A WALL, TAKE
A WALK, WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER AND THROW IT OUT. WORK THROUGH IT LIKE ANY
EMOTION: ANGER, JEALOUSY, LUST. OH, MY GOODNESS! ARE YOU OK? YEAH. WHAT
IS WRONG WITH YOU?! IT'S A BUG. HE'S NOT BOTHERING ANYBODY. GET OUT OF
HERE, YOU CREEP! WHAT WAS THAT? A PIC 'N' SAVE CIRCULAR? YEAH, IT WAS.
HOW DID YOU KNOW? IT FELT LIKE ABOUT 10 PAGES. SEVENTY-FIVE IS PRETTY
MUCH OUR LIMIT. YOU'VE REALLY GOT THAT DOWN TO A SCIENCE. I LOST A
COUSIN TO ITALIAN VOGUE. I'LL BET. WHAT IN THE NAME OF MIGHTY HERCULES
IS THIS? HOW DID THIS GET HERE? CUTE BEE, GOLDEN BLOSSOM, RAY LIOTTA
PRIVATE SELECT? IS HE THAT ACTOR? I NEVER HEARD OF HIM. WHY IS THIS
HERE? FOR PEOPLE. WE EAT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD OF YOUR OWN?
WELL, YES. HOW DO YOU GET IT? BEES MAKE IT. I KNOW WHO MAKES IT! AND
IT'S HARD TO MAKE IT! THERE'S HEATING, COOLING, STIRRING. YOU NEED A
WHOLE KRELMAN THING! IT'S ORGANIC. IT'S OUR-GANIC! IT'S JUST HONEY,
BARRY. JUST WHAT?! BEES DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS! THIS IS STEALING! A LOT
OF STEALING! YOU'VE TAKEN OUR HOMES, SCHOOLS,HOSPITALS! THIS IS ALL WE
HAVE! AND IT'S ON SALE?! I'M GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. I'M GETTING
TO THE BOTTOM OF ALL OF THIS! HEY, HECTOR. YOU ALMOST DONE? ALMOST. HE
IS HERE. I SENSE IT. WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO HOME NOW AND JUST LEAVE THIS
NICE HONEY OUT, WITH NO ONE AROUND. YOU'RE BUSTED, BOX BOY! I KNEW I
HEARD SOMETHING. SO YOU CAN TALK! I CAN TALK. AND NOW YOU'LL START
TALKING! WHERE YOU GETTING THE SWEET STUFF? WHO'S YOUR SUPPLIER? I DON'T
UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. THE LAST THING WE WANT TO DO IS
UPSET BEES! YOU'RE TOO LATE! IT'S OURS NOW! YOU, SIR, HAVE CROSSED THE
WRONG SWORD! YOU, SIR, WILL BE LUNCH FOR MY IGUANA, IGNACIO! WHERE IS
THE HONEY COMING FROM? TELL ME WHERE! HONEY FARMS! IT COMES FROM HONEY
FARMS! CRAZY PERSON! WHAT HORRIBLE THING HAS HAPPENED HERE? THESE FACES,
THEY NEVER KNEW WHAT HIT THEM. AND NOW THEY'RE ON THE ROAD TO NOWHERE!
JUST KEEP STILL. WHAT? YOU'RE NOT DEAD? DO I LOOK DEAD? THEY WILL WIPE
ANYTHING THAT MOVES. WHERE YOU HEADED? TO HONEY FARMS. I AM ONTO
SOMETHING HUGE HERE. I'M GOING TO ALASKA. MOOSE BLOOD, CRAZY STUFF.
BLOWS YOUR HEAD OFF! I'M GOING TO TACOMA. AND YOU? HE REALLY IS DEAD.
ALL RIGHT. UH-OH! WHAT IS THAT?! OH, NO! A WIPER! TRIPLE BLADE! TRIPLE
BLADE? JUMP ON! IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE, BEE! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO
BE SO DOGGONE CLEAN?! HOW MUCH DO YOU PEOPLE NEED TO SEE?! OPEN YOUR
EYES! STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW! FROM NPR NEWS IN WASHINGTON, I'M
CARL KASELL. BUT DON'T KILL NO MORE BUGS! BEE! MOOSE BLOOD GUY!! YOU
HEAR SOMETHING? LIKE WHAT? LIKE TINY SCREAMING. TURN OFF THE RADIO.
WHASSUP, BEE BOY? HEY, BLOOD. JUST A ROW OF HONEY JARS, AS FAR AS THE
EYE COULD SEE. WOW! I ASSUME WHEREVER THIS TRUCK GOES IS WHERE THEY'RE
GETTING IT. I MEAN, THAT HONEY'S OURS. BEES HANG TIGHT. WE'RE ALL JAMMED
IN. IT'S A CLOSE COMMUNITY. NOT US, MAN. WE ON OUR OWN. EVERY MOSQUITO
ON HIS OWN. WHAT IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE? YOU A MOSQUITO, YOU IN TROUBLE.
NOBODY LIKES US. THEY JUST SMACK. SEE A MOSQUITO, SMACK, SMACK! AT LEAST
YOU'RE OUT IN THE WORLD. YOU MUST MEET GIRLS. MOSQUITO GIRLS TRY TO
TRADE UP, GET WITH A MOTH, DRAGONFLY. MOSQUITO GIRL DON'T WANT NO
MOSQUITO. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! MOOSEBLOOD'S ABOUT TO LEAVE THE
BUILDING! SO LONG, BEE! HEY, GUYS! MOOSEBLOOD! I KNEW I'D CATCH Y'ALL
DOWN HERE. DID YOU BRING YOUR CRAZY STRAW? WE THROW IT IN JARS, SLAP A
LABEL ON IT, AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH PURE PROFIT. WHAT IS THIS PLACE? A
BEE'S GOT A BRAIN THE SIZE OF A PINHEAD. THEY ARE PINHEADS! PINHEAD.
CHECK OUT THE NEW SMOKER. OH, SWEET. THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT. THE THOMAS
3000! SMOKER? NINETY PUFFS A MINUTE, SEMI-AUTOMATIC. TWICE THE NICOTINE,
ALL THE TAR. A COUPLE BREATHS OF THIS KNOCKS THEM RIGHT OUT. THEY MAKE
THE HONEY, AND WE MAKE THE MONEY. "THEY MAKE THE HONEY, AND WE MAKE THE
MONEY"? OH, MY! WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU OK? YEAH. IT DOESN'T LAST TOO
LONG. DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A FAKE HIVE WITH FAKE WALLS? OUR QUEEN WAS
MOVED HERE. WE HAD NO CHOICE. THIS IS YOUR QUEEN? THAT'S A MAN IN
WOMEN'S CLOTHES! THAT'S A DRAG QUEEN! WHAT IS THIS? OH, NO! THERE'S
HUNDREDS OF THEM! BEE HONEY. OUR HONEY IS BEING BRAZENLY STOLEN ON A
MASSIVE SCALE! THIS IS WORSE THAN ANYTHING BEARS HAVE DONE! I INTEND TO
DO SOMETHING. OH, BARRY, STOP. WHO TOLD YOU HUMANS ARE TAKING OUR HONEY?
THAT'S A RUMOR. DO THESE LOOK LIKE RUMORS? THAT'S A CONSPIRACY THEORY.
THESE ARE OBVIOUSLY DOCTORED PHOTOS. HOW DID YOU GET MIXED UP IN THIS?
HE'S BEEN TALKING TO HUMANS. WHAT? TALKING TO HUMANS?! HE HAS A HUMAN
GIRLFRIEND. AND THEY MAKE OUT! MAKE OUT? BARRY! WE DO NOT. YOU WISH YOU
COULD. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? THE BEES! I DATED A CRICKET ONCE IN SAN
ANTONIO. THOSE CRAZY LEGS KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT. BARRY, THIS IS WHAT YOU
WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? I WANT TO DO IT FOR ALL OUR LIVES. NOBODY
WORKS HARDER THAN BEES! DAD, I REMEMBER YOU COMING HOME SO OVERWORKED
YOUR HANDS WERE STILL STIRRING. YOU COULDN'T STOP. I REMEMBER THAT. WHAT
RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO OUR HONEY? WE LIVE ON TWO CUPS A YEAR. THEY PUT IT
IN LIP BALM FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER! EVEN IF IT'S TRUE, WHAT CAN ONE
BEE DO? STING THEM WHERE IT REALLY HURTS. IN THE FACE! THE EYE! THAT
WOULD HURT. NO. UP THE NOSE? THAT'S A KILLER. THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE YOU
CAN STING THE HUMANS, ONE PLACE WHERE IT MATTERS. HIVE AT FIVE, THE
HIVE'S ONLY FULL-HOUR ACTION NEWS SOURCE. NO MORE BEE BEARDS! WITH BOB
BUMBLE AT THE ANCHOR DESK. WEATHER WITH STORM STINGER. SPORTS WITH BUZZ
LARVI. AND JEANETTE CHUNG. GOOD EVENING. I'M BOB BUMBLE. AND I'M
JEANETTE OHUNG. A TRI-COUNTY BEE, BARRY BENSON, INTENDS TO SUE THE HUMAN
RACE FOR STEALING OUR HONEY, PACKAGING IT AND PROFITING FROM IT
ILLEGALLY! TOMORROW NIGHT ON BEE LARRY KING, WE'LL HAVE THREE FORMER
QUEENS HERE IN OUR STUDIO, DISCUSSING THEIR NEW BOOK, CLASSY LADIES, OUT
THIS WEEK ON HEXAGON. TONIGHT WE'RE TALKING TO BARRY BENSON. DID YOU
EVER THINK, "I'M A KID FROM THE HIVE. I CAN'T DO THIS"? BEES HAVE NEVER
BEEN AFRAID TO CHANGE THE WORLD. WHAT ABOUT BEE OOLUMBUS? BEE GANDHI?
BEJESUS? WHERE I'M FROM, WE'D NEVER SUE HUMANS. WE WERE THINKING OF
STICKBALL OR CANDY STORES. HOW OLD ARE YOU? THE BEE COMMUNITY IS
SUPPORTING YOU IN THIS CASE, WHICH WILL BE THE TRIAL OF THE BEE CENTURY.
YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE A LARRY KING IN THE HUMAN WORLD TOO. IT'S A COMMON
NAME. NEXT WEEK... HE LOOKS LIKE YOU AND HAS A SHOW AND SUSPENDERS AND
COLORED DOTS... NEXT WEEK... GLASSES, QUOTES ON THE BOTTOM FROM THE
GUEST EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST HEARD 'EM. BEAR WEEK NEXT WEEK! THEY'RE
SCARY, HAIRY AND HERE LIVE. ALWAYS LEANS FORWARD, POINTY SHOULDERS,
SQUINTY EYES, VERY JEWISH. IN TENNIS, YOU ATTACK AT THE POINT OF
WEAKNESS! IT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER, KEN. SHE'S 81. HONEY, HER BACKHAND'S A
JOKE! I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT? QUIET, PLEASE. ACTUAL WORK
GOING ON HERE. IS THAT THAT SAME BEE? YES, IT IS! I'M HELPING HIM SUE
THE HUMAN RACE. HELLO. HELLO, BEE. THIS IS KEN. YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.
TIMBERLAND, SIZE TEN AND A HALF. VIBRAM SOLE, I BELIEVE. WHY DOES HE
TALK AGAIN? LISTEN, YOU BETTER GO 'CAUSE WE'RE REALLY BUSY WORKING. BUT
IT'S OUR YOGURT NIGHT! BYE-BYE. WHY IS YOGURT NIGHT SO DIFFICULT?! YOU
POOR THING. YOU TWO HAVE BEEN AT THIS FOR HOURS! YES, AND ADAM HERE HAS
BEEN A HUGE HELP. FROSTING... HOW MANY SUGARS? JUST ONE. I TRY NOT TO
USE THE COMPETITION. SO WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME? BEES HAVE GOOD
QUALITIES. AND IT TAKES MY MIND OFF THE SHOP. INSTEAD OF FLOWERS, PEOPLE
ARE GIVING BALLOON BOUQUETS NOW. THOSE ARE GREAT, IF YOU'RE THREE. AND
ARTIFICIAL FLOWERS. OH, THOSE JUST GET ME PSYCHOTIC! YEAH, ME TOO. BENT
STINGERS, POINTLESS POLLINATION. BEES MUST HATE THOSE FAKE THINGS!
NOTHING WORSE THAN A DAFFODIL THAT'S HAD WORK DONE. MAYBE THIS COULD
MAKE UP FOR IT A LITTLE BIT. THIS LAWSUIT'S A PRETTY BIG DEAL. I GUESS.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH IT? AM I SURE? WHEN I'M DONE WITH
THE HUMANS, THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY, "HONEY, I'M HOME," WITHOUT PAYING
A ROYALTY! IT'S AN INCREDIBLE SCENE HERE IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN, WHERE
THE WORLD ANXIOUSLY WAITS, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, WE
WILL HEAR FOR OURSELVES IF A HONEYBEE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK. WHAT HAVE WE
GOTTEN INTO HERE, BARRY? IT'S PRETTY BIG, ISN'T IT? I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW
MANY HUMANS DON'T WORK DURING THE DAY. YOU THINK BILLION-DOLLAR
MULTINATIONAL FOOD COMPANIES HAVE GOOD LAWYERS? EVERYBODY NEEDS TO STAY
BEHIND THE BARRICADE. WHAT'S THE MATTER? I DON'T KNOW, I JUST GOT A
CHILL. WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE BEE TEAM. YOU BOYS WORK ON THIS? ALL RISE!
THE HONORABLE JUDGE BUMBLETON PRESIDING. ALL RIGHT. CASE NUMBER 4475,
SUPERIOR COURT OF NEW YORK, BARRY BEE BENSON V. THE HONEY INDUSTRY IS
NOW IN SESSION. MR. MONTGOMERY, YOU'RE REPRESENTING THE FIVE FOOD
COMPANIES COLLECTIVELY? A PRIVILEGE. MR. BENSON... YOU'RE REPRESENTING
ALL THE BEES OF THE WORLD? I'M KIDDING. YES, YOUR HONOR, WE'RE READY TO
PROCEED. MR. MONTGOMERY, YOUR OPENING STATEMENT, PLEASE. LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A SIMPLE WOMAN. BORN ON A
FARM, SHE BELIEVED IT WAS MAN'S DIVINE RIGHT TO BENEFIT FROM THE BOUNTY
OF NATURE GOD PUT BEFORE US. IF WE LIVED IN THE TOPSY-TURVY WORLD MR.
BENSON IMAGINES, JUST THINK OF WHAT WOULD IT MEAN. I WOULD HAVE TO
NEGOTIATE WITH THE SILKWORM FOR THE ELASTIC IN MY BRITCHES! TALKING BEE!
HOW DO WE KNOW THIS ISN'T SOME SORT OF HOLOGRAPHIC
MOTION-PICTURE-CAPTURE HOLLYWOOD WIZARDRY? THEY COULD BE USING LASER
BEAMS! ROBOTICS! VENTRILOQUISM! CLONING! FOR ALL WE KNOW, HE COULD BE ON
STEROIDS! MR. BENSON? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE'S NO TRICKERY HERE.
I'M JUST AN ORDINARY BEE. HONEY'S PRETTY IMPORTANT TO ME. IT'S IMPORTANT
TO ALL BEES. WE INVENTED IT! WE MAKE IT. AND WE PROTECT IT WITH OUR
LIVES. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WHO THINK THEY
CAN TAKE IT FROM US 'CAUSE WE'RE THE LITTLE GUYS! I'M HOPING THAT, AFTER
THIS IS ALL OVER, YOU'LL SEE HOW, BY TAKING OUR HONEY, YOU NOT ONLY TAKE
EVERYTHING WE HAVE BUT EVERYTHING WE ARE! I WISH HE'D DRESS LIKE THAT
ALL THE TIME. SO NICE! CALL YOUR FIRST WITNESS. SO, MR. KLAUSS
VANDERHAYDEN OF HONEY FARMS, BIG COMPANY YOU HAVE. I SUPPOSE SO. I SEE
YOU ALSO OWN HONEYBURTON AND HONRON! YES, THEY PROVIDE BEEKEEPERS FOR
OUR FARMS. BEEKEEPER. I FIND THAT TO BE A VERY DISTURBING TERM. I DON'T
IMAGINE YOU EMPLOY ANY BEE-FREE-ERS, DO YOU? NO. I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.
NO. NO. BECAUSE YOU DON'T FREE BEES. YOU KEEP BEES. NOT ONLY THAT, IT
SEEMS YOU THOUGHT A BEAR WOULD BE AN APPROPRIATE IMAGE FOR A JAR OF
HONEY. THEY'RE VERY LOVABLE CREATURES. YOGI BEAR, FOZZIE BEAR,
BUILD-A-BEAR. YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? BEARS KILL BEES! HOW'D YOU LIKE HIS
HEAD CRASHING THROUGH YOUR LIVING ROOM?! BITING INTO YOUR COUCH!
SPITTING OUT YOUR THROW PILLOWS! OK, THAT'S ENOUGH. TAKE HIM AWAY. SO,
MR. STING, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. YOUR NAME INTRIGUES ME. WHERE HAVE
I HEARD IT BEFORE? I WAS WITH A BAND CALLED THE POLICE. BUT YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN A POLICE OFFICER, HAVE YOU? NO, I HAVEN'T. NO, YOU HAVEN'T. AND SO
HERE WE HAVE YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF BEE CULTURE CASUALLY STOLEN BY A
HUMAN FOR NOTHING MORE THAN A PRANCE-ABOUT STAGE NAME. OH, PLEASE. HAVE
YOU EVER BEEN STUNG, MR. STING? BECAUSE I'M FEELING A LITTLE STUNG,
STING. OR SHOULD I SAY... MR. GORDON M. SUMNER! THAT'S NOT HIS REAL
NAME?! YOU IDIOTS! MR. LIOTTA, FIRST, BELATED CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
EMMY WIN FOR A GUEST SPOT ON ER IN 2005. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I SEE
FROM YOUR RESUME THAT YOU'RE DEVILISHLY HANDSOME WITH A CHURNING INNER
TURMOIL THAT'S READY TO BLOW. I ENJOY WHAT I DO. IS THAT A CRIME? NOT
YET IT ISN'T. BUT IS THIS WHAT IT'S COME TO FOR YOU? EXPLOITING TINY,
HELPLESS BEES SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO REHEARSE YOUR PART AND LEARN YOUR
LINES, SIR? WATCH IT, BENSON! I COULD BLOW RIGHT NOW! THIS ISN'T A
GOODFELLA. THIS IS A BADFELLA! WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE JUST STEP ON THIS
CREEP, AND WE CAN ALL GO HOME?! ORDER IN THIS COURT! YOU'RE ALL THINKING
IT! ORDER! ORDER, I SAY! SAY IT! MR. LIOTTA, PLEASE SIT DOWN! I THINK IT
WAS AWFULLY NICE OF THAT BEAR TO PITCH IN LIKE THAT. I THINK THE JURY'S
ON OUR SIDE. ARE WE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT, LEGALLY? I'M A FLORIST.
RIGHT. WELL, HERE'S TO A GREAT TEAM. TO A GREAT TEAM! WELL, HELLO. KEN!
HELLO. I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE COMING. NO, I WAS JUST LATE I TRIED TO
CALL, BUT... THE BATTERY. I DIDN'T WANT ALL THIS TO GO TO WASTE, SO I
CALLED BARRY. LUCKILY, HE WAS FREE. OH, THAT WAS LUCKY. THERE'S A LITTLE
LEFT. I COULD HEAT IT UP. YEAH, HEAT IT UP, SURE, WHATEVER. SO I HEAR
YOU'RE QUITE A TENNIS PLAYER. I'M NOT MUCH FOR THE GAME MYSELF. THE
BALL'S A LITTLE GRABBY. THAT'S WHERE I USUALLY SIT. RIGHT... THERE. KEN,
BARRY WAS LOOKING AT YOUR RESUME, AND HE AGREED WITH ME THAT EATING WITH
CHOPSTICKS ISN'T REALLY A SPECIAL SKILL. YOU THINK I DON'T SEE WHAT
YOU'RE DOING? I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND THE RIGHT JOB. WE HAVE THAT
IN COMMON. DO WE? BEES HAVE 100 PERCENT EMPLOYMENT, BUT WE DO JOBS LIKE
TAKING THE CRUD OUT. THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT DOING. KEN, I
LET BARRY BORROW YOUR RAZOR FOR HIS FUZZ. I HOPE THAT WAS ALL RIGHT. I'M
GOING TO DRAIN THE OLD STINGER. YEAH, YOU DO THAT. LOOK AT THAT. YOU
KNOW, I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH YOUR LITTLE MIND GAMES. WHAT'S THAT?
ITALIAN VOGUE. MAMMA MIA, THAT'S A LOT OF PAGES. A LOT OF ADS. REMEMBER
WHAT VAN SAID, WHY IS YOUR LIFE MORE VALUABLE THAN MINE? FUNNY, I JUST
CAN'T SEEM TO RECALL THAT! I THINK SOMETHING STINKS IN HERE! I LOVE THE
SMELL OF FLOWERS. HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF FLAMES?! NOT AS MUCH.
WATER BUG! NOT TAKING SIDES! KEN, I'M WEARING A CHAPSTICK HAT! THIS IS
PATHETIC! I'VE GOT ISSUES! WELL, WELL, WELL, A ROYAL FLUSH! YOU'RE
BLUFFING. AM I? SURF'S UP, DUDE! POO WATER! THAT BOWL IS GNARLY. EXCEPT
FOR THOSE DIRTY YELLOW RINGS! KENNETH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU KNOW, I
DON'T EVEN LIKE HONEY! I DON'T EAT IT! WE NEED TO TALK! HE'S JUST A
LITTLE BEE! AND HE HAPPENS TO BE THE NICEST BEE I'VE MET IN A LONG TIME!
LONG TIME? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ARE THERE OTHER BUGS IN YOUR
LIFE? NO, BUT THERE ARE OTHER THINGS BUGGING ME IN LIFE. AND YOU'RE ONE
OF THEM! FINE! TALKING BEES, NO YOGURT NIGHT... MY NERVES ARE FRIED FROM
RIDING ON THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! GOODBYE, KEN. AND FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, I PREFER SUGAR-FREE, ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS MADE BY MAN! I'M
SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT. I KNOW IT'S GOT AN AFTERTASTE! I LIKE IT! I ALWAYS
FELT THERE WAS SOME KIND OF BARRIER BETWEEN KEN AND ME. I COULDN'T
OVERCOME IT. OH, WELL. ARE YOU OK FOR THE TRIAL? I BELIEVE MR.
MONTGOMERY IS ABOUT OUT OF IDEAS. WE WOULD LIKE TO CALL MR. BARRY BENSON
BEE TO THE STAND. GOOD IDEA! YOU CAN REALLY SEE WHY HE'S CONSIDERED ONE
OF THE BEST LAWYERS... YEAH. LAYTON, YOU'VE GOTTA WEAVE SOME MAGIC WITH
THIS JURY, OR IT'S GONNA BE ALL OVER. DON'T WORRY. THE ONLY THING I HAVE
TO DO TO TURN THIS JURY AROUND IS TO REMIND THEM OF WHAT THEY DON'T LIKE
ABOUT BEES. YOU GOT THE TWEEZERS? ARE YOU ALLERGIC? ONLY TO LOSING, SON.
ONLY TO LOSING. MR. BENSON BEE, I'LL ASK YOU WHAT I THINK WE'D ALL LIKE
TO KNOW. WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THAT WOMAN? WE'RE FRIENDS.
GOOD FRIENDS? YES. HOW GOOD? DO YOU LIVE TOGETHER? WAIT A MINUTE... ARE
YOU HER LITTLE... BEDBUG? I'VE SEEN A BEE DOCUMENTARY OR TWO. FROM WHAT
I UNDERSTAND, DOESN'T YOUR QUEEN GIVE BIRTH TO ALL THE BEE CHILDREN?
YEAH, BUT... SO THOSE AREN'T YOUR REAL PARENTS! OH, BARRY... YES, THEY
ARE! HOLD ME BACK! YOU'RE AN ILLEGITIMATE BEE, AREN'T YOU, BENSON? HE'S
DENOUNCING BEES! DON'T Y'ALL DATE YOUR COUSINS? OBJECTION! I'M GOING TO
PINCUSHION THIS GUY! ADAM, DON'T! IT'S WHAT HE WANTS! OH, I'M HIT!! OH,
LORDY, I AM HIT! ORDER! ORDER! THE VENOM! THE VENOM IS COURSING THROUGH
MY VEINS! I HAVE BEEN FELLED BY A WINGED BEAST OF DESTRUCTION! YOU SEE?
YOU CAN'T TREAT THEM LIKE EQUALS! THEY'RE STRIPED SAVAGES! STINGING'S
THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW! IT'S THEIR WAY! ADAM, STAY WITH ME. I CAN'T
FEEL MY LEGS. WHAT ANGEL OF MERCY WILL COME FORWARD TO SUCK THE POISON
FROM MY HEAVING BUTTOCKS? I WILL HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURT. ORDER! ORDER,
PLEASE! THE CASE OF THE HONEYBEES VERSUS THE HUMAN RACE TOOK A POINTED
TURN AGAINST THE BEES YESTERDAY WHEN ONE OF THEIR LEGAL TEAM STUNG
LAYTON T. MONTGOMERY. HEY, BUDDY. HEY. IS THERE MUCH PAIN? YEAH. I... I
BLEW THE WHOLE CASE, DIDN'T I? IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS YOU'RE
ALIVE. YOU COULD HAVE DIED. I'D BE BETTER OFF DEAD. LOOK AT ME. THEY GOT
IT FROM THE CAFETERIA DOWNSTAIRS, IN A TUNA SANDWICH. LOOK, THERE'S A
LITTLE CELERY STILL ON IT. WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO STING SOMEONE? I CAN'T
EXPLAIN IT. IT WAS ALL... ALL ADRENALINE AND THEN...AND THEN ECSTASY!
ALL RIGHT. YOU THINK IT WAS ALL A TRAP? OF COURSE. I'M SORRY. I FLEW US
RIGHT INTO THIS. WHAT WERE WE THINKING? LOOK AT US. WE'RE JUST A COUPLE
OF BUGS IN THIS WORLD. WHAT WILL THE HUMANS DO TO US IF THEY WIN? I
DON'T KNOW. I HEAR THEY PUT THE ROACHES IN MOTELS. THAT DOESN'T SOUND SO
BAD. ADAM, THEY CHECK IN, BUT THEY DON'T CHECK OUT! OH, MY. COULD YOU
GET A NURSE TO CLOSE THAT WINDOW? WHY? THE SMOKE. BEES DON'T SMOKE.
RIGHT. BEES DON'T SMOKE. BEES DON'T SMOKE! BUT SOME BEES ARE SMOKING.
THAT'S IT! THAT'S OUR CASE! IT IS? IT'S NOT OVER? GET DRESSED. I'VE
GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE. GET BACK TO THE COURT AND STALL. STALL ANY WAY YOU
CAN. AND ASSUMING YOU'VE DONE STEP CORRECTLY, YOU'RE READY FOR THE TUB.
MR. FLAYMAN. YES? YES, YOUR HONOR! WHERE IS THE REST OF YOUR TEAM? WELL,
YOUR HONOR, IT'S INTERESTING. BEES ARE TRAINED TO FLY HAPHAZARDLY, AND
AS A RESULT, WE DON'T MAKE VERY GOOD TIME. I ACTUALLY HEARD A FUNNY
STORY ABOUT... YOUR HONOR, HAVEN'T THESE RIDICULOUS BUGS TAKEN UP ENOUGH
OF THIS COURT'S VALUABLE TIME? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL WE ALLOW THESE
ABSURD SHENANIGANS TO GO ON? THEY HAVE PRESENTED NO COMPELLING EVIDENCE
TO SUPPORT THEIR CHARGES AGAINST MY CLIENTS, WHO RUN LEGITIMATE
BUSINESSES. I MOVE FOR A COMPLETE DISMISSAL OF THIS ENTIRE CASE! MR.
FLAYMAN, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CONSIDER MR. MONTGOMERY'S
MOTION. BUT YOU CAN'T! WE HAVE A TERRIFIC CASE. WHERE IS YOUR PROOF?
WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE? SHOW ME THE SMOKING GUN! HOLD IT, YOUR HONOR! YOU
WANT A SMOKING GUN? HERE IS YOUR SMOKING GUN. WHAT IS THAT? IT'S A BEE
SMOKER! WHAT, THIS? THIS HARMLESS LITTLE CONTRAPTION? THIS COULDN'T HURT
A FLY, LET ALONE A BEE. LOOK AT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO BEES WHO HAVE NEVER
BEEN ASKED, "SMOKING OR NON?" IS THIS WHAT NATURE INTENDED FOR US? TO BE
FORCIBLY ADDICTED TO SMOKE MACHINES AND MAN-MADE WOODEN SLAT WORK CAMPS?
LIVING OUT OUR LIVES AS HONEY SLAVES TO THE WHITE MAN? WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO? HE'S PLAYING THE SPECIES CARD. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE, FREE
THESE BEES! FREE THE BEES! FREE THE BEES! FREE THE BEES! FREE THE BEES!
FREE THE BEES! THE COURT FINDS IN FAVOR OF THE BEES! VANESSA, WE WON! I
KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! HIGH-FIVE! SORRY. I'M OK! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
MEANS? ALL THE HONEY WILL FINALLY BELONG TO THE BEES. NOW WE WON'T HAVE
TO WORK SO HARD ALL THE TIME. THIS IS AN UNHOLY PERVERSION OF THE
BALANCE OF NATURE, BENSON. YOU'LL REGRET THIS. BARRY, HOW MUCH HONEY IS
OUT THERE? ALL RIGHT. ONE AT A TIME. BARRY, WHO ARE YOU WEARING? MY
SWEATER IS RALPH LAUREN, AND I HAVE NO PANTS. WHAT IF MONTGOMERY'S
RIGHT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WE'VE BEEN LIVING THE BEE WAY A LONG TIME, 27
MILLION YEARS. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR VICTORY. WHAT WILL YOU DEMAND AS
A SETTLEMENT? FIRST, WE'LL DEMAND A COMPLETE SHUTDOWN OF ALL BEE WORK
CAMPS. THEN WE WANT BACK THE HONEY THAT WAS OURS TO BEGIN WITH, EVERY
LAST DROP. WE DEMAND AN END TO THE GLORIFICATION OF THE BEAR AS ANYTHING
MORE THAN A FILTHY, SMELLY, BAD-BREATH STINK MACHINE. WE'RE ALL AWARE OF
WHAT THEY DO IN THE WOODS. WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL. TAKE HIM OUT. HE'LL HAVE
NAUSEOUS FOR A FEW HOURS, THEN HE'LL BE FINE. AND WE WILL NO LONGER
TOLERATE BEE-NEGATIVE NICKNAMES... BUT IT'S JUST A PRANCE-ABOUT STAGE
NAME! ...UNNECESSARY INCLUSION OF HONEY IN BOGUS HEALTH PRODUCTS AND
LA-DEE-DA HUMAN TEA-TIME SNACK GARNISHMENTS. CAN'T BREATHE. BRING IT IN,
BOYS! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! GOOD. TAP IT. MR. BUZZWELL, WE JUST PASSED
THREE CUPS AND THERE'S GALLONS MORE COMING! I THINK WE NEED TO SHUT
DOWN! SHUT DOWN? WE'VE NEVER SHUT DOWN. SHUT DOWN HONEY PRODUCTION! STOP
MAKING HONEY! TURN YOUR KEY, SIR! WHAT DO WE DO NOW? CANNONBALL! WE'RE
SHUTTING HONEY PRODUCTION! MISSION ABORT. ABORTING POLLINATION AND
NECTAR DETAIL. RETURNING TO BASE. ADAM, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH
HONEY WAS OUT THERE. OH, YEAH? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHERE IS EVERYBODY? ARE
THEY OUT CELEBRATING? THEY'RE HOME. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. LAYING
OUT, SLEEPING IN. I HEARD YOUR UNCLE CARL WAS ON HIS WAY TO SAN ANTONIO
WITH A CRICKET. AT LEAST WE GOT OUR HONEY BACK. SOMETIMES I THINK, SO
WHAT IF HUMANS LIKED OUR HONEY? WHO WOULDN'T? IT'S THE GREATEST THING IN
THE WORLD! I WAS EXCITED TO BE PART OF MAKING IT. THIS WAS MY NEW DESK.
THIS WAS MY NEW JOB. I WANTED TO DO IT REALLY WELL. AND NOW... NOW I
CAN'T. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'RE NOT HAPPY. I THOUGHT THEIR LIVES
WOULD BE BETTER! THEY'RE DOING NOTHING. IT'S AMAZING. HONEY REALLY
CHANGES PEOPLE. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON, DO YOU? WHAT
DID YOU WANT TO SHOW ME? THIS. WHAT HAPPENED HERE? THAT IS NOT THE HALF
OF IT. OH, NO. OH, MY. THEY'RE ALL WILTING. DOESN'T LOOK VERY GOOD, DOES
IT? NO. AND WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS? YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA GUESS
BEES. BEES? SPECIFICALLY, ME. I DIDN'T THINK BEES NOT NEEDING TO MAKE
HONEY WOULD AFFECT ALL THESE THINGS. IT'S NOT JUST FLOWERS. FRUITS,
VEGETABLES, THEY ALL NEED BEES. THAT'S OUR WHOLE SAT TEST RIGHT THERE.
TAKE AWAY PRODUCE, THAT AFFECTS THE ENTIRE ANIMAL KINGDOM. AND THEN, OF
COURSE... THE HUMAN SPECIES? SO IF THERE'S NO MORE POLLINATION, IT COULD
ALL JUST GO SOUTH HERE, COULDN'T IT? I KNOW THIS IS ALSO PARTLY MY
FAULT. HOW ABOUT A SUICIDE PACT? HOW DO WE DO IT? I'LL STING YOU, YOU
STEP ON ME. THAT JUST KILLS YOU TWICE. RIGHT, RIGHT. LISTEN, BARRY...
SORRY, BUT I GOTTA GET GOING. I HAD TO OPEN MY MOUTH AND TALK. VANESSA?
VANESSA? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO THE FINAL
TOURNAMENT OF ROSES PARADE IN PASADENA. THEY'VE MOVED IT TO THIS WEEKEND
BECAUSE ALL THE FLOWERS ARE DYING. IT'S THE LAST CHANCE I'LL EVER HAVE
TO SEE IT. VANESSA, I JUST WANNA SAY I'M SORRY. I NEVER MEANT IT TO TURN
OUT LIKE THIS. I KNOW. ME NEITHER. TOURNAMENT OF ROSES. ROSES CAN'T DO
SPORTS. WAIT A MINUTE. ROSES. ROSES? ROSES! VANESSA! ROSES?! BARRY?
ROSES ARE FLOWERS! YES, THEY ARE. FLOWERS, BEES, POLLEN! I KNOW. THAT'S
WHY THIS IS THE LAST PARADE. MAYBE NOT. COULD YOU ASK HIM TO SLOW DOWN?
COULD YOU SLOW DOWN? BARRY! OK, I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. THIS IS A TOTAL
DISASTER, ALL MY FAULT. YES, IT KIND OF IS. I'VE RUINED THE PLANET. I
WANTED TO HELP YOU WITH THE FLOWER SHOP. I'VE MADE IT WORSE. ACTUALLY,
IT'S COMPLETELY CLOSED DOWN. I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE REMODELING. BUT I
HAVE ANOTHER IDEA, AND IT'S GREATER THAN MY PREVIOUS IDEAS COMBINED. I
DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! ALL RIGHT, THEY HAVE THE ROSES, THE ROSES HAVE
THE POLLEN. I KNOW EVERY BEE, PLANT AND FLOWER BUD IN THIS PARK. ALL WE
GOTTA DO IS GET WHAT THEY'VE GOT BACK HERE WITH WHAT WE'VE GOT. BEES.
PARK. POLLEN! FLOWERS. REPOLLINATION! ACROSS THE NATION! TOURNAMENT OF
ROSES, PASADENA, CALIFORNIA. THEY'VE GOT NOTHING BUT FLOWERS, FLOATS AND
COTTON CANDY. SECURITY WILL BE TIGHT. I HAVE AN IDEA. VANESSA BLOOME,
FTD. OFFICIAL FLORAL BUSINESS. IT'S REAL. SORRY, MA'AM. NICE BROOCH.
THANK YOU. IT WAS A GIFT. ONCE INSIDE, WE JUST PICK THE RIGHT FLOAT. HOW
ABOUT THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA? I COULD BE THE PRINCESS, AND YOU COULD
BE THE PEA! YES, I GOT IT. WHERE SHOULD I SIT? WHAT ARE YOU? I BELIEVE
I'M THE PEA. THE PEA? IT GOES UNDER THE MATTRESSES. NOT IN THIS FAIRY
TALE, SWEETHEART. I'M GETTING THE MARSHAL. YOU DO THAT! THIS WHOLE
PARADE IS A FIASCO! LET'S SEE WHAT THIS BABY'LL DO. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?! THEN ALL WE DO IS BLEND IN WITH TRAFFIC... WITHOUT AROUSING
SUSPICION. ONCE AT THE AIRPORT, THERE'S NO STOPPING US. STOP! SECURITY.
YOU AND YOUR INSECT PACK YOUR FLOAT? YES. HAS IT BEEN IN YOUR POSSESSION
THE ENTIRE TIME? WOULD YOU REMOVE YOUR SHOES? REMOVE YOUR STINGER. IT'S
PART OF ME. I KNOW. JUST HAVING SOME FUN. ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT. THEN IF
WE'RE LUCKY, WE'LL HAVE JUST ENOUGH POLLEN TO DO THE JOB. CAN YOU
BELIEVE HOW LUCKY WE ARE? WE HAVE JUST ENOUGH POLLEN TO DO THE JOB! I
THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK. IT'S GOT TO WORK. ATTENTION, PASSENGERS, THIS
IS CAPTAIN SCOTT. WE HAVE A BIT OF BAD WEATHER IN NEW YORK. IT LOOKS
LIKE WE'LL EXPERIENCE A COUPLE HOURS DELAY. BARRY, THESE ARE CUT FLOWERS
WITH NO WATER. THEY'LL NEVER MAKE IT. I GOTTA GET UP THERE AND TALK TO
THEM. BE CAREFUL. CAN I GET HELP WITH THE SKY MALL MAGAZINE? I'D LIKE TO
ORDER THE TALKING INFLATABLE NOSE AND EAR HAIR TRIMMER. CAPTAIN, I'M IN
A REAL SITUATION. WHAT'D YOU SAY, HAL? NOTHING. BEE! DON'T FREAK OUT! MY
ENTIRE SPECIES... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WAIT A MINUTE! I'M AN ATTORNEY!
WHO'S AN ATTORNEY? DON'T MOVE. OH, BARRY. GOOD AFTERNOON, PASSENGERS.
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN. WOULD A MISS VANESSA BLOOME IN 24B PLEASE REPORT
TO THE COCKPIT? AND PLEASE HURRY! WHAT HAPPENED HERE? THERE WAS A
DUSTBUSTER, A TOUPEE, A LIFE RAFT EXPLODED. ONE'S BALD, ONE'S IN A BOAT,
THEY'RE BOTH UNCONSCIOUS! IS THAT ANOTHER BEE JOKE? NO! NO ONE'S FLYING
THE PLANE! THIS IS JFK CONTROL TOWER, FLIGHT 356. WHAT'S YOUR STATUS?
THIS IS VANESSA BLOOME. I'M A FLORIST FROM NEW YORK. WHERE'S THE PILOT?
HE'S UNCONSCIOUS, AND SO IS THE COPILOT. NOT GOOD. DOES ANYONE ONBOARD
HAVE FLIGHT EXPERIENCE? AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE IS. WHO'S THAT? BARRY
BENSON. FROM THE HONEY TRIAL?! OH, GREAT. VANESSA, THIS IS NOTHING MORE
THAN A BIG METAL BEE. IT'S GOT GIANT WINGS, HUGE ENGINES. I CAN'T FLY A
PLANE. WHY NOT? ISN'T JOHN TRAVOLTA A PILOT? YES. HOW HARD COULD IT BE?
WAIT, BARRY! WE'RE HEADED INTO SOME LIGHTNING. THIS IS BOB BUMBLE. WE
HAVE SOME LATE-BREAKING NEWS FROM JFK AIRPORT, WHERE A SUSPENSEFUL SCENE
IS DEVELOPING. BARRY BENSON, FRESH FROM HIS LEGAL VICTORY... THAT'S
BARRY! ...IS ATTEMPTING TO LAND A PLANE, LOADED WITH PEOPLE, FLOWERS AND
AN INCAPACITATED FLIGHT CREW. FLOWERS?! WE HAVE A STORM IN THE AREA AND
TWO INDIVIDUALS AT THE CONTROLS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO FLIGHT EXPERIENCE.
JUST A MINUTE. THERE'S A BEE ON THAT PLANE. I'M QUITE FAMILIAR WITH MR.
BENSON AND HIS NO-ACCOUNT COMPADRES. THEY'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. BUT
ISN'T HE YOUR ONLY HOPE? TECHNICALLY, A BEE SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FLY AT
ALL. THEIR WINGS ARE TOO SMALL... HAVEN'T WE HEARD THIS A MILLION TIMES?
"THE SURFACE AREA OF THE WINGS AND BODY MASS MAKE NO SENSE." GET THIS ON
THE AIR! GOT IT. STAND BY. WE'RE GOING LIVE. THE WAY WE WORK MAY BE A
MYSTERY TO YOU. MAKING HONEY TAKES A LOT OF BEES DOING A LOT OF SMALL
JOBS. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A SMALL JOB. IF YOU DO IT WELL, IT MAKES
A BIG DIFFERENCE. MORE THAN WE REALIZED. TO US, TO EVERYONE. THAT'S WHY
I WANT TO GET BEES BACK TO WORKING TOGETHER. THAT'S THE BEE WAY! WE'RE
NOT MADE OF JELL-O. WE GET BEHIND A FELLOW. BLACK AND YELLOW! HELLO!
LEFT, RIGHT, DOWN, HOVER. HOVER? FORGET HOVER. THIS ISN'T SO HARD.
BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BARRY, WHAT HAPPENED?! WAIT, I THINK WE WERE ON
AUTOPILOT THE WHOLE TIME. THAT MAY HAVE BEEN HELPING ME. AND NOW WE'RE
NOT! SO IT TURNS OUT I CANNOT FLY A PLANE. ALL OF YOU, LET'S GET BEHIND
THIS FELLOW! MOVE IT OUT! MOVE OUT! OUR ONLY CHANCE IS IF I DO WHAT I'D
DO, YOU COPY ME WITH THE WINGS OF THE PLANE! DON'T HAVE TO YELL. I'M NOT
YELLING! WE'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE. IT'S VERY HARD TO CONCENTRATE WITH
THAT PANICKY TONE IN YOUR VOICE! IT'S NOT A TONE. I'M PANICKING! I CAN'T
DO THIS! VANESSA, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. YOU HAVE TO SNAP OUT OF IT!
YOU SNAP OUT OF IT. YOU SNAP OUT OF IT. YOU SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU SNAP OUT
OF IT! YOU SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU
SNAP OUT OF IT! HOLD IT! WHY? COME ON, IT'S MY TURN. HOW IS THE PLANE
FLYING? I DON'T KNOW. HELLO? BENSON, GOT ANY FLOWERS FOR A HAPPY
OCCASION IN THERE? THE POLLEN JOCKS! THEY DO GET BEHIND A FELLOW. BLACK
AND YELLOW. HELLO. ALL RIGHT, LET'S DROP THIS TIN CAN ON THE BLACKTOP.
WHERE? I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. CAN YOU? NO, NOTHING. IT'S ALL CLOUDY. COME
ON. YOU GOT TO THINK BEE, BARRY. THINKING BEE. THINKING BEE. THINKING
BEE! THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK I'M FEELING
SOMETHING. WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. IT'S STRONG, PULLING ME. LIKE A
27-MILLION-YEAR-OLD INSTINCT. BRING THE NOSE DOWN. THINKING BEE!
THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS ON THE TARMAC? GET SOME
LIGHTS ON THAT! THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! THINKING BEE! VANESSA, AIM
FOR THE FLOWER. OK. CUT THE ENGINES. WE'RE GOING IN ON BEE POWER. READY,
BOYS? AFFIRMATIVE! GOOD. GOOD. EASY, NOW. THAT'S IT. LAND ON THAT
FLOWER! READY? FULL REVERSE! SPIN IT AROUND! NOT THAT FLOWER! THE OTHER
ONE! WHICH ONE? THAT FLOWER. I'M AIMING AT THE FLOWER! THAT'S A FAT GUY
IN A FLOWERED SHIRT. I MEAN THE GIANT PULSATING FLOWER MADE OF MILLIONS
OF BEES! PULL FORWARD. NOSE DOWN. TAIL UP. ROTATE AROUND IT. THIS IS
INSANE, BARRY! THIS'S THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO FLY. AM I
KOO-KOO-KACHOO, OR IS THIS PLANE FLYING IN AN INSECT-LIKE PATTERN? GET
YOUR NOSE IN THERE. DON'T BE AFRAID. SMELL IT. FULL REVERSE! JUST DROP
IT. BE A PART OF IT. AIM FOR THE CENTER! NOW DROP IT IN! DROP IT IN,
WOMAN! COME ON, ALREADY. BARRY, WE DID IT! YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO FLY!
YES. NO HIGH-FIVE! RIGHT. BARRY, IT WORKED! DID YOU SEE THE GIANT
FLOWER? WHAT GIANT FLOWER? WHERE? OF COURSE I SAW THE FLOWER! THAT WAS
GENIUS! THANK YOU. BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET. LISTEN, EVERYONE! THIS RUNWAY
IS COVERED WITH THE LAST POLLEN FROM THE LAST FLOWERS AVAILABLE ANYWHERE
ON EARTH. THAT MEANS THIS IS OUR LAST CHANCE. WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO
MAKE HONEY, POLLINATE FLOWERS AND DRESS LIKE THIS. IF WE'RE GONNA
SURVIVE AS A SPECIES, THIS IS OUR MOMENT! WHAT DO YOU SAY? ARE WE GOING
TO BE BEES, OR JUST MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY KEYCHAINS? WE'RE BEES!
KEYCHAIN! THEN FOLLOW ME! EXCEPT KEYCHAIN. HOLD ON, BARRY. HERE. YOU'VE
EARNED THIS. YEAH! I'M A POLLEN JOCK! AND IT'S A PERFECT FIT. ALL I
GOTTA DO ARE THE SLEEVES. OH, YEAH. THAT'S OUR BARRY. MOM! THE BEES ARE
BACK! IF ANYBODY NEEDS TO MAKE A CALL, NOW'S THE TIME. I GOT A FEELING
WE'LL BE WORKING LATE TONIGHT! HERE'S YOUR CHANGE. HAVE A GREAT
AFTERNOON! CAN I HELP WHO'S NEXT? WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HONEY WITH THAT?
IT IS BEE-APPROVED. DON'T FORGET THESE. MILK, CREAM, CHEESE, IT'S ALL
ME. AND I DON'T SEE A NICKEL! SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF
MEAT! I HAD NO IDEA. BARRY, I'M SORRY. HAVE YOU GOT A MOMENT? WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME? MY MOSQUITO ASSOCIATE WILL HELP YOU. SORRY I'M LATE. HE'S A
LAWYER TOO? I WAS ALREADY A BLOOD-SUCKING PARASITE. ALL I NEEDED WAS A
BRIEFCASE. HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON! BARRY, I JUST GOT THIS HUGE TULIP
ORDER, AND I CAN'T GET THEM ANYWHERE. NO PROBLEM, VANNIE. JUST LEAVE IT
TO ME. YOU'RE A LIFESAVER, BARRY. CAN I HELP WHO'S NEXT? ALL RIGHT,
SCRAMBLE, JOCKS! IT'S TIME TO FLY. THANK YOU, BARRY! THAT BEE IS LIVING
MY LIFE! LET IT GO, KENNY. WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END?! LET IT ALL GO.
BEAUTIFUL DAY TO FLY. SURE IS. BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I WAS DYING TO GET
OUT OF THAT OFFICE. YOU HAVE GOT TO START THINKING BEE, MY FRIEND.
THINKING BEE! ME? HOLD IT. LET'S JUST STOP FOR A SECOND. HOLD IT. I'M
SORRY. I'M SORRY, EVERYONE. CAN WE STOP HERE? I'M NOT MAKING A MAJOR
LIFE DECISION DURING A PRODUCTION NUMBER! ALL RIGHT. TAKE TEN,
EVERYBODY. WRAP IT UP, GUYS. I HAD VIRTUALLY NO REHEARSAL FOR THAT.
Post a comment